THAT’S WHO

by heytherewildflower

two things:

there is the hidden secret to pinterest and I have discovered it. IT IS ALL ABOUT WEDDINGS. every girl who ever claimed not to want to get married who has a pinterest has posted something to do with weddings on said pinterest account.

i’ve been straight up about weddings since i could eat cake. I LOVE ‘EM. it’s the marriage part that freaks me out. but a wedding? SO DOWN. I don’t count as one of the psuedoweddingphobic (closetweddingobsessed) pictureposteronpinterest girls so I am still cool (in my own books, at least). In fact, I am SO COOL that I told Eric the story of my dream wedding on the second date we went on. he paid. he called me the next day. somehow my life has continued.

so here is the story, ladies, JUST ADMIT IT. YOU WANT A BIG FUCKING PARTY AND A BIGGER FUCKING GOWN AND YOU WANT A CAKE WITH A FIGURINE MODELED AFTER YOU and maybe an accessory with a tux. perhaps. Women like weddings. Women who like men like weddings. Women who like women like weddings. If you do not like weddings and you are a woman, you are actually EVIL MARIA

which means you are actually a fembot.

now, I am not speaking to marriages. all sorts of humans hate marriages and I have no judgements to cast on that topic. All I am saying is, LADIES, please don’t take your ugly ass dream wedding fantasies out on pinterest. I’d much rather look at your shoe fetish fantasies.

AND

THE SECOND THING)

WHO THE FUCK uses the word “sharp” as a positive descriptive modifier in conjunction with the appearance of tailored clothing items? I’ll tell you who, women who wear pants that fit like mom jeans that aren’t made out of jean material,

THATS WHO.