I have this new hobby of, whenever I get back to my apartment late and tipsy and alone and not tired, I respond to every single one of my okcupid messages and laugh like a maniac.
I respond to their love queries with topical (RE: inane) lines of questioning. Nothing insulting or x-rated, honest! The responses I get back are fucking golden. I want to compile them into a free internet porno treasure trove complete with dick pics.
For the ladies. And the freaks.
In other news, my job is so hilarious… last Friday as I was traversing the vast expanse of wild uncharted content… I stumbled upon this sweet little gem:
NAME THAT TUNE
Songs that Reveal the Hazards of Love
1. What happens when a sweetheart doesn’t use a lifeline.
2. What happens when you let a love song go unguarded.
3. Why love and fire shouldn’t mix.
4. Why sweethearts needs respirators.
5. Proof that sweethearts are prone to risky behavior.
6. Simply put: Why you should stay away from love.
1. I Fall to Pieces, by Patsy Cline
2. Unchained Melody, by Hy Zaret
3. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, by Otto A. Harbach
4. You Take My Breath Away, by Claire Hamill
5. Absence of Fear, by Jewel Kilcher
6. Love Hurts, by Boudleaux Bryant
Based on this evidence, we should all wear fall protection, a respirator and safety goggles. And stay away from persons evoking strong emotions.